Ok, so I'm trying hard to continually practise me writing - so far, pretty consistent blog entries. Yes, the grand total of TWO consistent posts. Haha.
I've been out of my mojo at work. Hard to establish a rhythm with stuff I have to do and I'm really behind some stuff. I suspect it's the multi-tasking I have to do with multiple projects and not being able to concentrate on one. Cause everything else seems to be in priority. I'm just so super annoyed at myself and my workload. Yes, because my workload is a person.
I also feel that a lot of conversations I'm having are out of my depth. Like I have a common sense idea I want to communicate but I don't have the right terminology for it so I use the most jargon-like word I can think of. And it's wrong. And then I get annoyed that my point didn't really come across and for being told off. You know, pride and that stuff. Sigh ... forgive me for my ignorance and arrogance. And also forgive me for my pride that I had to use jargon instead of trying to explain what I really mean in a simple way.
I getting more and more troubled by this inability to keep up, like feeling I am a fraud. I'm worried I cannot perform.
I think I need to take deep breaths. And remember that the big goal is made out of many small goals, which you accomplish one at a time. So easy to think akan tetapi, so hard to remember.
What am I good at? Why am I here? Ok, next post should have less rambling and more thought. I think I need to start working on my short film script which has been brewing in my mind for a while now. Hmm. Let me begin then.
Old man take a look at my life
I'm a lot like you
I need someone to love me
the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes
and you can tell that's true.
Neil Young's 'Old Man'.
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